Beyond Networking, the Art of Real Connection

“I get so anxious about networking events - even just work dinners with clients. What am I going to say?”

This sentiment echoes across all career stages. That flutter of unease before stepping into a room of unfamiliar faces—or even familiar ones—can be disorienting.

In a previous post, we explored how naming emotions with precision deepens self-understanding. Today, let’s bring that clarity to a vital yet often misunderstood part of professional life: making meaningful connections.

What You’re Actually Experiencing

That anxious swirl? It’s rarely just anxiety. More often, it’s a complex mix of:

• Curiosity about new people

• Anticipation of possibility

• Concern about how you’ll be perceived

• Excitement at the unknown

When we flatten all that into a single label—“anxiety”—we miss the nuance. And when we miss the nuance, we often miss the opportunity.

Deconstructing “Networking”

The word networking has been hollowed out by repetition. It evokes elevator pitches and small talk with a side of self-promotion.

But beneath the jargon lies something much more essential: the human need to connect. When we strip away the performance, networking isn’t about getting. It’s about attuning—to another person’s energy, story, and perspective.

Attention Is Reciprocal—When It’s Real

There’s a quiet but powerful truth in social dynamics: attention, when offered sincerely, tends to be mirrored.

This isn’t just a nice idea—it’s backed by behavioral science. A 2017 Harvard Business School study found that people who ask more questions (especially follow-up questions) are consistently rated as more likable and competent.

Why? Because when someone shows genuine curiosity about us, we tend to warm to them. We feel seen, respected, and invited into dialogue.

The Neuroscience of Connection: Mirror Neurons at Work

In the early 1990s, neuroscientists discovered mirror neurons—cells in the brain that fire both when we perform an action and when we observe someone else doing it. They’re thought to support empathy, imitation, and social learning. In short, they help us feel into the experiences of others.

When we offer someone our full, attuned attention, we’re not just sending a signal—we’re activating resonance. Their brain starts to reflect our emotional state.

That’s why attunement, even in fleeting moments, can create a felt sense of connection that lingers long after the conversation ends.

Three Practices That Create Authentic Connection

1. Do Your Homework

Before an event or 1:1, spend 10 minutes learning about the person. Scan their LinkedIn, check for recent work, mutual contacts, cities they’ve lived in, passion projects and ask a question about them.

Preparation signals respect.

2. Use Environmental Bridges

Be observant. Look for subtle cues in your environment that invite connection. In a world of Zoom meetings, you have the opportunity to notice so much: The Phillies baseball mug on her desk, the photo on his bookshelf of the soccer team with medals draped around their necks - notice these and comment on them.

These aren’t tricks. They’re access points to real dialogue.

3. Tune Your Presence

According to Albert Mehrabian’s research, 93% of emotional communication is nonverbal (55% body language, 38% tone). So:

• Face the person fully

• Make eye contact that’s warm, not intense

• Put your phone away

• Mirror their energy

These signals say: I’m here. I’m listening.

Insight in Action: The Curiosity Template

When a conversation lulls, try one of these:

• The Perspective Question

“What do you wish more people understood about your work?”

Invites reflection and reveals values.

• The Experience Question

“How did you get started in your current role/career?”

Encourages storytelling and origin moments.

• The Evolution Question

“How has your industry changed since you began and where would you like to see it go?”

These aren’t “networking questions.” They’re relational ones. They say: I’m curious about you.

A Final Thought

The most memorable professional moments often happen when we stop networking—and start noticing. When we shift from making an impression to making a connection.

Your pre-event nerves? That’s not a warning to retreat. It’s energy looking for purpose.

Channel it into curiosity. Bring your presence forward. And remember:

When you stop trying to be interesting and start being interested, the impression takes care of itself.